Hindsight Read online

  “I don’t think he was blaspheming, Mum, I think he was just thanking the Lord,” Will defends his little brother.

  “For what?” Just how honest will they be about my aborted spaghetti?

  “For having a Mum who tries so hard,” Ethan answers, “even when she’s forgotten how to cook.”

  The next weekend we go away to Lily’s parents house at Ocean Grove for the Easter long weekend. We borrow Uncle Din’s car and we all pack in together for the trip: Chris, myself, the kids, Lily, Rosie and John. Mind you, the car is the size of a small European country, so it’s not exactly a squeeze.

  The front bench seat is hard — break your bum-bones hard. I’ve probably given myself hemorrhoids by sitting on a cold, hard surface for so long. The car has the suspension of a tractor — the drive was comparable to blasting off in a space shuttle, so whatever’s left of my kidneys will no doubt be excreted in my urine later today in the form of blood clots.

  Lily’s parents, Archie and Maggie, live on a farm about ten minutes’ drive from the beach. The colonial homestead is surrounded by acres of lush green grass and the kids run wild all day. They play footy and hide and seek and care for all the animals that Archie and Maggie have. It is more of a hobby farm, so there are goats, horses, ducks, geese and plenty of dogs and a few cows and sheep. There are rows of fruit trees, overloaded with apples, peaches and oranges, as well as grapevines. We eat them straight off the tree. They’re so fresh that it’s possible to taste individual rays of sunshine in each bite.

  On Saturday night we all sit down to a huge roast dinner. The kids continue to play afterwards as the adults sit around and relax with some wine and cheese. I feel like a million dollars; no stress, no worries, no phones, no demands, just fresh air, my family and my best friend. Archie and Maggie are so lovely, and have adopted us all. They treat Will, Ethan and Cal the same as they do Rosie and John. They said they always wanted loads of children, but only had Lily, so our children help to fill the gap.

  Even though it is a bit cold, we go to the beach on Sunday after a huge Easter egg hunt, and play all day in the surf, body boarding and diving through the waves. We build sand castles and go for long walks, play chasey and tiggy, explore the sand dunes, slide down the huge sand hills on our towels like toboggans, and collect sea shells. My inner child emerges again and Chris is in his element being the biggest kid of all. After this weekend he looks years younger; the tiredness has melted away from him. We eat fish and chips on the beach as we watch the sun sink lower in the sky. Monday is more of the same and no one wants to leave.

  With Ocean Grove under my skin, in my hair and surging through my veins, my life takes on a new calmness. There is no urgent need to achieve, to please. My Mum’s existence doesn’t worry me as much, the entire situation isn’t so scary and for the first time ever, I am learning to enjoy the moment, to have fun again, to laugh and love and truly live in the present.

  We settle back after our Ocean Grove trip, the kids are in bed early, exhausted after the long weekend. Chris and I plonk on the couch and reflect on our marvelous weekend and fantasise about a time when we can move there and live in our own patch of Heaven. It will probably never happen, but it’s good to have dreams.

  “Chris, it’s time to go and see my Mum. I’m ready now. This weekend has put many things into perspective for me. After Will’s big game, I’ll go with Gran and Uncle Din. The more I delay my visit, the harder it will be.” Just like my visit to Dad’s grave years ago.

  “Really, are you sure?” He chokes on his tea.

  “No, but it seems as good a time as any. I can’t let fear be the reason I don’t do things.”

  Chris smiles at me, pulls me closer and kisses me.

  “You are an incredible woman, Jules. I am the luckiest man in the world to have you as my wife.”

  Blurry vision hits me again. It’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time. Modern Chris used to say that all the time in our early days, but not so much lately. Probably because I haven’t given him reason to for a long time.

  “Really? You really believe that?” I ask, sniffling a little with emotion.

  “Absolutely. You are beautiful, smart, kind, loving, an amazing mother…”

  “What about my cooking skills?”

  “Ummm…let’s say that you make up for your temporary deficit in the kitchen by being very creative in other rooms of the house,” he grins, kissing me deeply.

  His lips are soft, warm and fit perfectly onto mine. He’s always been a good kisser. One time we kissed all night, slowly, passionately, deeply. I can’t last that long tonight though.

  “Well, best I show you how creative I can be then…” I say, as we move into our bedroom for another night of sizzle.

  Another week is nearly finished, another five nights of dud meals, although not deadly like last week. Gran and Lily have both imparted cooking knowledge onto me, helping me when I asked for it. Actually, when Chris asked me to ask them. He was losing weight and needed to pull his belt buckle in another notch to keep his pants up. It was a fair request on his part. Surprisingly, Will has not lost weight, but he has been spending inordinate amounts of time with both Gran and Aunty Maeve.

  My visits to the doctor have been going well and he now only wants to see me once a month, unless Gran or Chris are worried about me, in which case it will be back to weekly. So far, my plan to avoid being committed is working. So far.

  “It’s time to shop for meat, Jules,” Lily says.

  “Meat? That doesn’t sound very exciting. Can’t we shop for shoes instead?”

  “That would be much more fun, but may not taste too good,” she says.

  “You’d be surprised what would taste good to my family at the moment.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” It’s shameful to admit that your family would rather eat a stiletto or desert boot than your own cooking.

  “It’s your birthday next week,” she sings.

  “So it is, I’d forgotten about that.”

  “Do you remember anything else to do with that date?”

  “Other than gaining another year, growing older and having more wrinkles? And it being the anniversary of my Dad’s death. Um…no.”

  She stares at me, her girly-sized hand planted on her hip, shaking her head. “Have you forgotten that it’s your wedding anniversary?”

  My face has a sign on it that says, “It is?”

  “Jules, how could you forget the most romantic day of your life?”

  Now the sign says ‘“…”

  “Oh, you’re hopeless. It’s the one night a year that you and Chris get to go out, dinner and dancing at the Savoy, romance, just the two of you. Ring any bells?”

  My face is now like a pinball machine, flashing lights and sirens whooping. “Go out, dinner, dancing, no kids?”

  “No kids. Will and Cal stay with Gran while Ethan comes to me. You even get to have a sleep in the next morning.” It’s possible she’s even more excited than me.

  “No church,” we say together.

  “But what will you do without me? How will you pass the time all by yourself on that pew?”

  “I’ll daydream about Rock Hudson or Tony Curtis, maybe Dean Martin.”

  “In the house of God? Isn’t that a sin? And you know Rock Hudson’s gay, don’t you?” Oops! Shut up Juliette.

  “Well, of course he’s happy. Who wouldn’t be gay in his position?” she says.

  I suppress a laugh. “You’re right. Of course, he’s super-gay.”

  “So, it’s our anniversary next week?”

  Chris nods, eating his meat brick sandwich. “That it is. Sixteen glorious years of blissful happiness,” he smiles.

  “Tell me about how we met.”

  He puts down his sandwich, pushes the half-eaten lunch to the side and crunches the last mouthful after pouring three litres of tomato sauce on it.

  “We were both dance instructors at different dance schools,” he begins
.

  “Me, a dance instructor? No way.” Not the girl with two left feet.

  “Why are you so surprised? You’re a great dancer, that’s the second thing I noticed about you.”

  “What was the first?” I ask.

  “It was your presence, your beauty, the way you stood, the way you moved. Your smile. Everything told me that I’d be a fool not to chase you and beg you to marry me,” he smiles.

  A small whimper escapes me as I melt into the chair.

  “What type of dance did we teach?”

  “Ballroom dancing. We were both senior instructors at our respective dance schools. One night our two schools got together for a one-off dance class, so we could see how other instructors taught. You and I ended up dancing together, we talked all night until I took you home to your Gran’s house. I asked you out and you said yes, and it just started from there.”

  “How old was I?”

  “You were fifteen when we met and I was eighteen. I thought you were older because you were mature and tall, but by the time I found out it was too late.”

  “Too late? Was I pregnant?”

  He looks horrified. “No! You were still a virgin on our wedding night. It was too late because I was already in love with you.”

  My skin heats up and I find myself swooning at the thought of this wonderful gentleman who fell in love with me.

  “We wanted to get engaged when you turned sixteen, but Gran said you were too young, so we waited until you were seventeen.”

  “You waited two years for me?”

  “Three, actually, because we were married on your eighteenth birthday. I figured if our wedding anniversary and your birthday were the same day I only had to remember one important date each year. It also made your day more of a happy one again, after your Dad. Mind you, I do live in fear of forgetting.”

  “Probably best you remember then, I wouldn’t be overly forgiving,” I say.

  “What are you going to do, poison me?”

  Good point.

  “I bought you your engagement ring when you were sixteen. We used to try in on in secret, just to see what it looked like,” he smiles at me.

  “How sweet.” It’s hard to believe that he waited three years to take me to bed. No modern man would wait three months for sex, and here is this gorgeous-looking man who waited three years for me. Hopefully it was worth the wait.

  “Did we ever think about having sex before marriage?” I ask.

  “There were times when it was tempting, but I guess we are both old-fashioned and waiting was the right thing to do. Besides, I would have to answer to your Gran, and she scared the living daylights out of me. Your Grandfather was a tough old guy too, but she would have taken to me with her wooden spoon had I touched you before our wedding night. And there’s no way I could have told her I got you pregnant, there’s not enough bravery in the world for that.”

  I laugh at the visual of Gran belting Chris, but am completely sure she would have done it. Luckily the kids are in the backyard playing happily and Will is at the footy oval warming up, so we lock the bedroom door and have a quick play before rushing down to watch Will’s game.

  Chapter 19

  The week passes slowly, only because the thought of going out for my birthday is more exciting than actually getting married in the first place. Finally Saturday comes around and although Chris has to work, everyone pops in during the day to wish me happy birthday and bring me small gifts. Just before lunch Lily pops over carrying a huge box.

  “Happy birthday, lovey,” she says as she struggles through the door with the box.

  “Thanks, Lily. My God, let me help you with that. What’s in there, an elephant?”

  “No. The dog next door just kept yapping and yapping day and night. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I jumped the fence and snapped its neck. Now I have to get rid of the body before the owners come looking for it, can you help me?”

  Silence.

  “What? You’ve got a dead dog in there? Lily, are you crazy?” I splutter.

  She ponders this question for a moment.

  “Define crazy.”

  “Lily?”

  “Jules, you are just so unbelievably gullible. I love it. You were fun before, but now you’re a scream. No, it’s not a dead dog, although the barking is enough to drive me to insanity at times. This is your birthday present. Go on, open it up. I’ve been dying to give it to you.” She puts it on the table and stands back. Her face is glowing as though it’s Christmas day and Santa left this box for her.

  I take the top off the box and carefully lift out the most beautiful powder blue silk dress ever created. It’s a cocktail dress with a cowl neck and full skirt that reaches down to the knees, fully lined and intricately beaded with shiny, pale blue beads around the neck and shoulders.

  “Oh…Lily, it’s so….” Tears well up in my eyes, which seems to be happening a lot lately.

  “So you like it then?” A sky full of stars couldn’t twinkle brighter than Lily when she smiles.

  “Lily, it’s….exquisite…I…” No words are appropriate. “You made this?”

  “Yes. I’ve been working on it for a couple of months. It kept getting stashed away when you came over because it was a surprise.”

  “Lily…I’m just… so touched. It must have taken you hours and hours.”

  “It’s your birthday and wedding anniversary, Jules. The one night a year you and Chris get to go out and be alone. You really needed a new dress this year.”

  “Thank you so much. It’s just the most fabulous dress ever.”

  “Go try it on, let me see you in it. Go on,” she says, as she pushes me out of the kitchen.

  I put the dress on and stand in front of my mirror in awe. It hugs every curve and hollow of my body, accentuating my long, elegant neck and toned arms, defining my waist and then gently caressing my hips and bum. It doesn’t drag or grab anywhere; it drapes my body and moves with me. It has a flow of its own. I look like a movie star. I feel like a movie star. It fits me perfectly, even making my boobs appear larger that the tiny mounds they actually are.

  Lily knocks at the bedroom door and comes in, cocking her head to the left and then over to the right as she looks at the dress and how it falls. It’s as though she’s critiquing her own work rather than admiring it. Then she looks up at my face and smiles as a tear comes to her eye.

  “Jules, you look…as beautiful as I’ve ever seen you. You give that dress life.”

  “I make the dress come alive? No way, this dress has resuscitated me. I just don’t know how to thank you enough.”

  “Thank me by having a fantastic night. Now take it off and make me a cup of tea, I’m stuffed after all that beading.”

  Gran comes in so that I can go off and have a bath, shave my legs and take my time in getting ready. This is so luxurious. After all my facials and beauty treatments in my own life, who would think that a simple bath could be so wonderful?.

  Chris will get home and take five minutes to get ready — men are so lucky like that. All they have to do is shower, shave and put on a suit and they look hot. Women take hours to get ready, have to constantly maintain themselves during the occasion and then take about half an hour to take it all off at bedtime. No wonder women are so tired, that’s a lot of work.

  After an hour it’s time to get out of the bath and attempt to make myself worthy of the dress. Although how this will be achieved is beyond me — seeing as there isn’t any of my usual hardware, like hairdryer, tongs or fully qualified beautician.

  Lily comes over again to make sure the dress is alright, and brings with her a pair of white elbow-length gloves, a diamante bracelet, a white clutch and matching stilettos. Thankfully, she’s brilliant with a set of hot rollers and goes to work on my hair. It looks like I could pick up radio signals from Mars with all these metal pins sticking out of my head. But the end result is worth all the torture and soon the dress and I are a perfect partnership.

  My makeup is s
ubtle and feminine, with luscious red lips and long false eyelashes framing my jade eyes. My hair is swept up into a small French roll and held by a long diamante clip with stray tendrils of hair framing my face. The clip-on earrings are also diamante, small and delicate so as not to overwhelm the dress or detract from the intricate beading. The gloves and dainty bracelet complete the outfit.

  “Transformation complete, Princess Juliette.”

  I don’t even have to look in the mirror, because I have never felt so beautiful. But, the full-length mirror is right in front of me, so why not take a peek? Before me is a glamazon. Elegant, sophisticated. This is the best moment of my life.

  Chris is waiting in the lounge room and the look on his face flatters me more than anything he could say.

  “Juliette, you look…stunning.”

  “Jules, look at you. Oh, my girl you bring a tear to your grandmother’s eye,” Gran says. “Chris, you’re a lucky man. You will be the envy of every man there tonight.”

  “Mum, is that you?” asks Ethan. “You look like a movie lady.”

  “You look beautiful, Mum,” Will smiles. “Really beautiful.”

  “Let me get a photo of you two,” says Lily as she clicks away.

  “Chris, would you get a photo of Lily and I please? I want a photo to remember this day for always.” My birthday, my wedding anniversary and the day my best friend gave me something from her heart.

  Lily and I stand together, arms wrapped around each other, smiling like a couple of Cheshire cats. Then she gives me a kiss on the cheek just as Chris takes another photo. Perfect. If nothing else happens tonight, if we get snowed in or a cyclone hits, my day has already been perfect. The best birthday ever.

  We take a tram and arrive at the Savoy after a relaxing walk through the gardens nearby. In my own time, the Savoy is an old hotel that serves high teas and is in need of a facelift. But here, it is the epicenter of glamour. Young couples swarm through the doors as though arriving at the Oscars, dressed for the red carpet with a vibration of pure fun. What a treat to see this grand old dame in her heyday. We are shown to our candlelit booth and enjoy a meal of steak and vegetables and share a bottle of wine as we laugh and talk, enjoying each other’s company. The only time we are not holding hands across the table is when we are eating.